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ATTN GUNDAM WING DORKS
Okay, dudes, a couple of things. First off, I'd appreciate if anyone who knows Gundam Wing would read this application critically. Do I understand Quatre? Have I typoed 'Gundam Wang' again? Halp please!
Player's Name: Eibborn
AIM/email/other contact info: Aim – Eibborn; email – eibborn@yahoo.ca
Personal LJ: eibborn
Character: Quatre Raberba Winner
Series: Mobile Suit Gundam Wing
Version: The anime; Quatre is taken from Episode 35 as he attempts to cross the desert.
Age: 15
Gender: Male
Appearance: Quatre stands at about 5’3” (160cm) tall. He is pale with light blonde hair and blue eyes despite being of Middle Eastern descent. He ordinarily wears a pale pink dress shirt with a purple vest and tan pants. When he arrives he will also be wearing a light brown cloak and holding a tall walking staff. His slim appearance and lack of muscle mass (he weighs in at 41 kg or 90 pounds) may make him seem to be fairly weak, but in fact his physical capabilities are well beyond those of most boys his age.
Personality: Quatre cares about people more than anything else in the world. One of the things that make him different from his comrades is that he sacrifices everything he has – his money, his status, and his pacifist ideals – to fight for the sake of peace and freedom in the colonies. Even after all that, he fights reluctantly, apologizing to his enemies as he kills them and frequently offering them a chance to surrender. He is kind, has high moral standards, loves animals, The thing that sets Quatre apart from most people is that he has no pretensions about people; everyone deserves his respect and kindness, even as they try to kill one another in battle. This is why people trusted Quatre to lead them even before he was trained as a strategist.
Behind this kind exterior is another side of Quatre, one that he pretends does not exist and has not shown the world in two years: he is a bit of a spoiled brat, raised and groomed to be the heir to the colossal Winner fortune and babied by his twenty-nine older sisters. He is stubborn about his belief that he is doing the right thing, and won’t change his mind easily. He would never hold his family’s wealth above others, but it is revealed in a number of ways from his sheltered idealism to odd behaviour. Quatre is certainly the only soldier who has a butler to serve him tea.
Quatre has a third side, one that has only once surfaced once when he was pushed beyond his emotional limits. In it, every aspect of himself that he hid came to the surface. This Quatre is vengeful and psychotic, a person who is happy to hurt others if he thinks they deserve it. It takes extreme amounts of stress for him to reach the point at which the very human anger that he has kept hidden for so long breaks through. Quatre is supposedly the most normal of the protagonists in the series, but in truth he represses the worst of his anger and fear.
It is important to note that Quatre is very reserved and unselfish when it comes to dealing with his personal failings. Both times in which he participates in a tragedy, he does not take the time to feel sorry for himself or others. When a fellow pilot declares that they really messed up, he moves the conversation swiftly to their next move. When he believes he may have killed another pilot, the only way that another person can tell how much he blames himself is through his music- he gives it away through the emotion in the song he plays.
Quatre is tremendously devoted to keeping his home in the colonies safe regardless of what they want. This devotion goes to extreme lengths; at one point he tries to self-destruct himself in his Gundam in order to give his fellow pilots enough cover to escape. This tendency to be self-sacrificing resurfaces again and again. He lies to his friends to keep them out of battle; he takes a bullet for a man who has impressed him when he is only thirteen. He understands that there are times when he should not push himself, however. He won’t risk himself if there is someone willing to do the job who has a better chance of success.
Fears: Quatre’s greatest fear is losing the people he cares about. He has made peace with the possibility of his own death in battle and even attempts to self-destruct to protect the colonies and his fellow pilots at one point. That is not to say that he doesn’t fear it, but it doesn’t have the same terror for him that it would for an ordinary person. Being unable to help those who need it is terrible for him; being responsible for harming them is even worse. Other than that, he suffers from quite ordinary fears, things like helplessness, disability, and gore.
Weaknesses: Take away Quatre’s Gundam and he becomes a fairly ordinary rich teenage boy. His companions have all been fighting wars for most of their lives, but until three years ago he believed in total pacifism and was raised to take the reigns of the family business. This means that while he may be well prepared to do the house’s taxes, he doesn’t have the experience to deal with some of its other challenges.
Quatre has an insecurity that stems from his birth- when he was younger he believed himself to be entirely replaceable because he is a test tube baby. This issue has been mostly resolved by his meeting with the Maguanac troops, who were all ‘born’ as he was, and by becoming a Gundam pilot, an irreplaceable commodity. In their absence, he may sink back into that mode of thought, although never as deeply as he once was.
His greatest weakness is his love of peace and of people. He would sacrifice his life for either of these causes in a heartbeat. Quatre is reluctant to kill and won’t attack without at the very least first announcing his presence to give the enemy a chance to surrender, which means that he puts himself in danger. He only lies for others’ sake, never for his own. He also has a very hard time letting anyone sacrifice their safety even when it is the obvious and only option.
Strengths/Abilities: Quatre is well educated, charismatic, and innocent. His education matches that of other aristocrats of the time, a blend of the expected maths and sciences and the somewhat more unusual equestrianism and fencing. He is highly intelligent, excelling in each of these, but his real talent lies in strategy and tactics. He can plan several steps ahead of any game. He is a gifted musician as well, very skilled with both the piano and the violin. Quatre claims that music helps him relax.
Each of the Gundam pilots have great strength and stamina. Although Quatre is physically the weakest among them, he is capable of handling intense G-forces, has superb reaction time, and superb control of his own body. It is shown that two of the pilots are able to hide the fact that they are conscious despite having their pulse and brainwaves monitered.
The most questionable of Quatre’s abilities is something referred to as ‘the heart of outer space.’ This seems to refer to a kind of empathic or psychic abilities that go unexplained throughout the series. Looking at other Gundam series, however, it is reasonable to assume that he is a Newtype, a person with special abilities because he was born in space. Quatre is able to tell that the other pilots are good people immediately after meeting them despite having fought with two of them and describing them as ‘violent and dangerous.’ He is also able to snap a friend out of a killing frenzy using this power and see who the unconscious boy is thinking of. It is perhaps because of this ability that he is able to assess combatants and devise effective strategies so easily. Regardless, it is clear that throughout the series Quatre himself doesn’t understand much about his own abilities.
As for weapons, Quatre currently has a sturdy wooden staff on hand, but is otherwise unarmed.
History: Quatre was born in After Colony 180, the youngest of 29 Winner children. He is the only male among them, as well as the only one who was not a test tube baby. His mother died while giving birth to him, her only natural child. Quatre never learned that he was natural or how his mother died, and the first of those became a source of much unhappiness in his preadolescence. He felt that he had been created solely for the purpose of passing on the Winner name and that he was easily replaceable if anything should happen.
This is why he allowed himself to be taken hostage in AC193 by a group called the Maguanac who were wanted by the Alliance for saving indentured workers. When his father and the Maguanac leader Rashid negotiated, Mr. Winner asked Quatre what he was doing there. He unashamedly declared that he was doing it in defiance of his father’s wishes, declaring he wanted to prove that, “even people like us [artificial children] can think for ourselves and do things ourselves and talk for ourselves!” Rashid slapped him, telling him to have more pride in himself and telling him that he and the other 38 Maguanacs were all test tube babies as well.
The negotiations proceeded smoothly, and Mr. Winner even agreed to help conceal the Maguanac’s retreat from the Alliance, but they soon noticed that they were being followed. Quatre happened upon one of their members speaking to the Alliance through a communicator and somehow managed to tie him up. When he brought him to Rashid, Yuda (whose codename was, subtly enough, Iscariot) broke free and pulled out a gun. Quatre tried to push Rashid to safety, but the man was shot in the chest and he was shot in the arm before the others could restrain Yuda. That left the Maguanac without a leader to fight the pursuing Alliance troops.
Quatre declares that he wants to help them fight to make up for his mistake in restraining Yuda. He already knows how to pilot a mobile suit, so they give him Rashid’s goggles and in a moment of what can only be described as insanity, allow him to lead the troops. He proves to be exceptional even despite his wounded arm. Quatre orders the others to escape as he holds off the remaining twenty troops, and they reluctantly do so under his command. Quatre tells them that they will meet again, but that he wants to join them on Earth to find himself, not to run away. Instructor H, one of the indentured workers and the man who would go on to build the Gundam Sandrock, remained with him to teach and train him. He saw Quatre’s potential during that battle.
Quatre didn’t meet the Maguanac again until two years later during Operation Meteor, a plan devised by the colonists in outer space to take revenge on an organization within the Alliance called OZ. Five unbeatable mobile suits (mechas) called Gundams were sent to Earth with five highly trained pilots within them. They each acted independently, not even aware of the others’ existence for some time as they destroyed military facilities and training camps. Quatre, the pilot of Gundam 04, was sent to fight in the Middle East, where his family lived before they left for the earliest colonies. The loyal Maguanac force waited for him there, and they do their best to care for and help them in his mission.
Although he was disinherited, Quatre had his family’s connections and considerable wealth to his name. He was the first Gundam pilot to realize that there were others fighting for the same cause, and is the first to communicate openly with another after Trowa and he practically simultaneously surrender to one another, Trowa because he was out of ammunition and Quatre because he feels that they shouldn’t be fighting one another. He takes Trowa back to his base where their Gundams are repaired, and the two connect on some level. It is only as Trowa leaves for his next mission that he shares his name.
Things go south when the five Gundam pilots are tricked by the battle-loving head of OZ, Treize Khushrenada. They attack a facility and end up killing everyone in the Alliance who was pushing for peace instead of the leaders of OZ. Simultaneously, OZ forces take over Alliance bases all over the world, leaving Treize and the Romefeller Organization (who he works for) in control of the world.
The pilots attempt to resume their missions despite their mistake, but OZ has laid a trap for them. Four of them fall into it: they attack a facility, but are informed that OZ has missiles trained on a colony in outer space. If they do not surrender immediately, that colony will be destroyed. They can’t attack, but they do not comply with the demand that the Gundams be given to OZ. Heero self-detonates his Gundam, choosing almost certain death over surrender. The others escape, Quatre and Duo fleeing to Quatre’s home base. They are soon found by OZ, who destroys the entire city it’s situated in. The citizens and Maguanac troops distract the troops as the pair narrowly escape.
It is some time before they resurface, Quatre having realized what the best course of action was. OZ is sending diplomats to convince the colonies, which have been independent since the fall of the Alliance, to join them. As they can no longer fight on Earth, the colonies are the best place for the Gundams. Duo and Quatre head for a spaceport and are nearly defeated, but they need to make sure that all of the Gundam pilots know what they are doing and will head for space. They are joined by another pilot, the other two being busy elsewhere at the moment. It is necessary for Quatre to self-detonate his Gundam Sandrock in order to cover the escape of the others, but it opens, allowing him to escape before it explodes. Eventually, all of the pilots make it into space independently, but Quatre has fallen into a coma from which he does not recover for quite some time.
He is eventually found by a doctor in a mining colony, who takes him to his father. The doctor is revealed to be one of his many sisters, Irea. Their home colony is on the verge of joining OZ but their father, a total pacifist and the colony’s leader refuses to comply with OZ’s orders that they begin producing mobile suits. Public opinion has turned against the Winners for using their resources for things other than weapons, and Mr. Winner is ousted from office. Rather than let OZ use his home to manufacture weapons, he separates it from the satellite it was mining. The colony leaders vote to have him killed for it, and he is killed right in front of Quatre and Irea, who have left the colony in a shuttle to try to bring him back. The resulting explosion sends the shuttle spinning and Quatre goes flying to the wall, almost hitting it hard. He was saved by his sister diving in front of him and taking the blow. She died soon afterward, leaving Quatre betrayed by the people he has been fighting for with his father and sister both dead. He began gasping laughter and declared that he would make sure that this day would be remembered by everyone.
Quatre went to the laboratory in which Sandrock, his mobile suit, was constructed and set to work to construct Wing Zero, a mobile suit that Instructor H had a blueprint for but never built. Wing Zero is immensely powerful, greater than even the Gundams. The problem with it is that it has a system that influences its pilot’s brain, letting them become unstoppable in battle, but also taking a terrible toll on their minds. The Zero System tells a person who their enemies are, taking only a tiny amount of input from its pilot. When used by a hysterical, repressed teenager, this could only lead to disaster.
Quatre wasn’t seen again until a resource satellite was destroyed without warning. He sent a message to OZ, telling them to evacuate a civilian colony because it was his next target. The colony was destroyed before OZ troops could make it there to defend it. Quatre was already moving on to another colony where he was met by Trowa and Heero (who infiltrated and was now working for OZ and who survived the explosion and was a captive of OZ respectively) in two newly created Gundams built for OZ. Trowa rushed ahead to greet him, but Quatre told him to stay away. When he didn’t, he shot and severely damaged Trowa’s mobile suit. Quatre told him to tell the other pilots to stay away or he will kill them- Wing Zero has told him that because his enemy is OZ, the colonies are his enemies as well because they are working with OZ, as is anyone who defends the colonies. Quatre aimed to destroy all weapons in outer space. Heero attacked him to defend the colony, and was similarly defeated. All that saved him from death was Trowa moving his already ruined Gundam in front of Wing Zero’s powerful laser. The suit exploded, and Quatre realized exactly what had done. Heero attacked while he was distracted, but Wing Zero was too powerful to destroy despite Quatre’s pleas that he finish it and go save Trowa. The two of them were captured by OZ, who were intrigued by the Zero System. They saw it has the power to greatly enhance a pilot’s abilities, but not how dangerous it really was. The only people who had a hope of displaying its true potential were the pilots, so they connected it to Heero. Under its influence, he somehow activated the Gundam and began to attack the fortress from within. Quatre got into the remaining OZ Gundam to stop him, saying that peace can’t be achieved by a single soldier on a rampage. He couldn’t beat Wing Zero, but he was able to reach Heero using his unusual empathy. Heero stopped his attack and collapsed out of the suit, seeing a person he met on Earth as he passes out: Relena Peacecraft. Quatre went to him then, and was able to see what he wanted. They would go to Earth.
The pair found their way to the pacifist Sanc Kingdom, lead by Relena. They spent some time there searching for any sign that Trowa had lived, but Quatre got word from the Maguanac troops that they had rebuilt Sandrock. He left for the Middle East to get it and rendezvous with them. He was able to return with his troops just in time to help the few people who were willing to go against Relena’s wishes and defend the Sanc Kingdom.
Sample RP post:
The moon looked so beautiful from Earth. Quatre didn’t think he would ever stop marvelling at the beauty this world had everywhere; it was so organic, so fantastic... did they see it, the people who had always lived here? Back home, nothing felt this natural. It was all calculated, controlled by precise machines and bureaucrats to be efficient, effective, and convenient. He opened the tall French window and leaned out, enjoying the cool—well, if he were to be entirely honest, freezing—desert air and losing himself in thought for several moments until some movement on the ground below caught his eye. It must have been time for the guard to change.
A red-capped man walked across the street, his large gun carried casually. Quatre watched him go, smiling thankfully down at the Maguanac soldier even though it was too dark to see which one it was. He truly owed them so much. They didn’t need to be risking their lives for his missions like that, but they refused to be left behind, reminding him that Maguanac meant ‘family.’ It was because of them that he could enjoy the moon like this, that he didn’t have to hide away somewhere on his own.
Quatre vanished from the window, reappearing a moment later with a violin in hand. It was old but well cared for, what many would call a priceless antique. Quatre would have agreed, but not because of its value at auction. This instrument produced the most beautiful tones he had ever heard, and he could feel the love that its many owners had given it. He began to play softly into the night, his eyes closing as he lost himself in the song, composing it as it went. It started out tiny and slow, but the piece escalated until it the moonlight reflected on the bow danced in his hands. He hardly had to think at this point, the song flowing from him naturally as though it were one he had always known.
The song stopped mid-phrase and he opened his eyes, lowering the bow. The Maguanac who had been replaced was returning to the base, stretching as he walked. “Thank you,” the boy whispered into the night, speaking not just to his brother down below but to the moon above and the vast stretches of sand all around.
“Master Quatre, you should get some sleep,” said a gruff voice behind him. He turned, surprised by the newcomer.
“Rashid, did I wake you? I’m sorry,” he replied, lowering the instrument regretfully. He shouldn’t have been so careless.
“Of course not, but if you don’t rest now you won’t be ready for the mission tomorrow,” the big man replied. “You need to be at your best.”
Quatre nodded, putting his violin back in its case. As always, someone was looking out for him. He had to do his best not to let anyone down. He would finish his dedication piece when he had seen more, when he could say that he truly understood the beauty of Earth and of Outer Space. He would have lots of time when they were at peace. Until then, he had an important job to do.
Aaaand just some general notes from as the series progresses. These aren't done and don't include Endless Waltz and a lot of things that I know I won't forget, but uh here it is.
Quatre Rabereba Winner
PERSONAL
Mother’s name: Catherine. He doesn’t know that she died for his birth, or that he is a naturally born human.
Quatre has 29 sisters, each one of them a test-tube baby.
Approx. 5’3” and 41 kg.
Blood type: O
[From Jordan?]
Born in the L4 Colony.
He is 15 when the series begins.
He talks about (and to) Sandrock like it’s a person.
His sister Irea stood up for him before their father.
The Winner family is accused of wasting resources because they do not support the war effort.
Quatre becomes the head of the family (and the Winner Corporation) after his father’s death despite being previously disinherited.
He is spoiled even in 195. He has a personal butler to bring him tea on Earth.
He is willing to risk death to send a message to the other pilots that they must return to space.
After his father and Irea die, Quatre vows to make everyone remember that day.
AC193
Quatre’s a brat with an inferiority complex. Maganac troops seize four Winner family vessels and take them to the resource satellite MO-III. He has no real regard for his own life and assets because he believes he is replaceable.
Rasid is the leader of the Maganac. It means ‘family,’ and is made up of entirely test-tube babies like Quatre. He took a bullet for Rasid in the arm when they were betrayed by Yuda.
AC195
Operation Meteor
Quatre’s message to his father when he leaves: “War brings sorrow... but we must fight to protect our loved ones from that sorrow.”
LTA-8045 is the location he landed in.
Instructor H was his tutor while using the Winner resources to build Sandrock after they met during the Maganac incident in 193.
MAGANAC
Some member names are Rashid Kurama, _____ Auda, Abdul ____, and Ahmed ____.
There are 39 Maganac members, plus Quatre.
Quatre lies to the Maganac troops to keep them out of danger. He doesn’t even ask for advice from Rashid.
POLITICS
United Earth Sphere Alliance controls earth and colonies. Zechs and Khushrenada are members of Oz, under this Alliance. Sally Po is an Alliance military doctor, Noin teaches recruits at the Lake Victoria base before leaving with Zechs.
Specials are secretly OZ agents in the Alliance Army, but they have autonomy.
In the disaster in which the Alliance officials are slain (at New Edwards Base), OZ uses the Specials to take control of bases worldwide.
After the Alliance is disbanded, the space forces remained in the colonies to be hunted down by OZ. They fall easily to OZ’s new Taurus Mobile Dolls. Lady Une plays her role during this time.
Treize gives up his position as the leader of OZ as Mobile Dolls become more popular. On the same day as he is put under house arrest, Lady Une is shot by Tubarov, the engineer of the Mobile Dolls.
Romefeller steps out of the shadows. Everyone knows that they are the real leaders of earth.
The Sanc Kingdom is destroyed when Relena agrees to represent Romefeller for Duke Dermail. The World Nation is formed instead using her public appeal as a base. At around this time, White Fang surfaces. They are rebels from the colonies.
White Fang takes Libra and destroys Barge, and Zechs declares his intention to attack the Earth. The decimated OZ forces take colony C421, where Catherine lives, as a hostage. That day, Zechs fires Libra’s main cannon at the Earth.
SANDROCK
Model XXXG-01SR
16.5m tall
7.5 Tons
Two vulcan cannons, Two missiles, Two heat shorters, Two shield flashers, One cross crusher
Missiles fire from above the shoulder, cannons on ‘ears’,
OTHER
No non-artificial birth in space until A.C. 100 because it lead to deformities. The Winner family still suffers from these abnormalities because they have been in space since the beginning.
The Soul of Outer Space aka Quatre is Crazy – Empathic abilities? A Newtype? He can tell that the other pilots are all ‘nice guys’ even though they’re violent and dangerous. He picks up on the thoughts of people thinking of Heero and clutches his chest when Heero self-detonates. He’s in physical pain.
He snaps Heero out of it when he is possessed by Zero, then is able to tell that he wants to see Relena even though Quatre’s never met her.
After he self-destructs Sandrock, Quatre goes into a kind of coma.
FFFF what they scroll the Adobe Photoshop tutorial in the background as miscellaneous English. what. B| y so low budget, GW?
WING ZERO
Quatre first destroys a Resource Satellite at 07U1 without warning.
He moves on to civilian colony at 06E3 and gives warning before attacking.
When he fights Heero, he tells him to warn the Gundam pilots away from him.
He explains what he’s doing by saying, “Outer space has gone mad so I’ll destroy it all!” His goal is to destroy all of the weapons in space, but as the colonies are arming themselves they too are the enemy.
Unlike Zechs, Quatre feels free to use his guns even during a sword duel.
WELL, WHAT DO YOU THINK?
also I move in about three days, woo!
Player's Name: Eibborn
AIM/email/other contact info: Aim – Eibborn; email – eibborn@yahoo.ca
Personal LJ: eibborn
Character: Quatre Raberba Winner
Series: Mobile Suit Gundam Wing
Version: The anime; Quatre is taken from Episode 35 as he attempts to cross the desert.
Age: 15
Gender: Male
Appearance: Quatre stands at about 5’3” (160cm) tall. He is pale with light blonde hair and blue eyes despite being of Middle Eastern descent. He ordinarily wears a pale pink dress shirt with a purple vest and tan pants. When he arrives he will also be wearing a light brown cloak and holding a tall walking staff. His slim appearance and lack of muscle mass (he weighs in at 41 kg or 90 pounds) may make him seem to be fairly weak, but in fact his physical capabilities are well beyond those of most boys his age.
Personality: Quatre cares about people more than anything else in the world. One of the things that make him different from his comrades is that he sacrifices everything he has – his money, his status, and his pacifist ideals – to fight for the sake of peace and freedom in the colonies. Even after all that, he fights reluctantly, apologizing to his enemies as he kills them and frequently offering them a chance to surrender. He is kind, has high moral standards, loves animals, The thing that sets Quatre apart from most people is that he has no pretensions about people; everyone deserves his respect and kindness, even as they try to kill one another in battle. This is why people trusted Quatre to lead them even before he was trained as a strategist.
Behind this kind exterior is another side of Quatre, one that he pretends does not exist and has not shown the world in two years: he is a bit of a spoiled brat, raised and groomed to be the heir to the colossal Winner fortune and babied by his twenty-nine older sisters. He is stubborn about his belief that he is doing the right thing, and won’t change his mind easily. He would never hold his family’s wealth above others, but it is revealed in a number of ways from his sheltered idealism to odd behaviour. Quatre is certainly the only soldier who has a butler to serve him tea.
Quatre has a third side, one that has only once surfaced once when he was pushed beyond his emotional limits. In it, every aspect of himself that he hid came to the surface. This Quatre is vengeful and psychotic, a person who is happy to hurt others if he thinks they deserve it. It takes extreme amounts of stress for him to reach the point at which the very human anger that he has kept hidden for so long breaks through. Quatre is supposedly the most normal of the protagonists in the series, but in truth he represses the worst of his anger and fear.
It is important to note that Quatre is very reserved and unselfish when it comes to dealing with his personal failings. Both times in which he participates in a tragedy, he does not take the time to feel sorry for himself or others. When a fellow pilot declares that they really messed up, he moves the conversation swiftly to their next move. When he believes he may have killed another pilot, the only way that another person can tell how much he blames himself is through his music- he gives it away through the emotion in the song he plays.
Quatre is tremendously devoted to keeping his home in the colonies safe regardless of what they want. This devotion goes to extreme lengths; at one point he tries to self-destruct himself in his Gundam in order to give his fellow pilots enough cover to escape. This tendency to be self-sacrificing resurfaces again and again. He lies to his friends to keep them out of battle; he takes a bullet for a man who has impressed him when he is only thirteen. He understands that there are times when he should not push himself, however. He won’t risk himself if there is someone willing to do the job who has a better chance of success.
Fears: Quatre’s greatest fear is losing the people he cares about. He has made peace with the possibility of his own death in battle and even attempts to self-destruct to protect the colonies and his fellow pilots at one point. That is not to say that he doesn’t fear it, but it doesn’t have the same terror for him that it would for an ordinary person. Being unable to help those who need it is terrible for him; being responsible for harming them is even worse. Other than that, he suffers from quite ordinary fears, things like helplessness, disability, and gore.
Weaknesses: Take away Quatre’s Gundam and he becomes a fairly ordinary rich teenage boy. His companions have all been fighting wars for most of their lives, but until three years ago he believed in total pacifism and was raised to take the reigns of the family business. This means that while he may be well prepared to do the house’s taxes, he doesn’t have the experience to deal with some of its other challenges.
Quatre has an insecurity that stems from his birth- when he was younger he believed himself to be entirely replaceable because he is a test tube baby. This issue has been mostly resolved by his meeting with the Maguanac troops, who were all ‘born’ as he was, and by becoming a Gundam pilot, an irreplaceable commodity. In their absence, he may sink back into that mode of thought, although never as deeply as he once was.
His greatest weakness is his love of peace and of people. He would sacrifice his life for either of these causes in a heartbeat. Quatre is reluctant to kill and won’t attack without at the very least first announcing his presence to give the enemy a chance to surrender, which means that he puts himself in danger. He only lies for others’ sake, never for his own. He also has a very hard time letting anyone sacrifice their safety even when it is the obvious and only option.
Strengths/Abilities: Quatre is well educated, charismatic, and innocent. His education matches that of other aristocrats of the time, a blend of the expected maths and sciences and the somewhat more unusual equestrianism and fencing. He is highly intelligent, excelling in each of these, but his real talent lies in strategy and tactics. He can plan several steps ahead of any game. He is a gifted musician as well, very skilled with both the piano and the violin. Quatre claims that music helps him relax.
Each of the Gundam pilots have great strength and stamina. Although Quatre is physically the weakest among them, he is capable of handling intense G-forces, has superb reaction time, and superb control of his own body. It is shown that two of the pilots are able to hide the fact that they are conscious despite having their pulse and brainwaves monitered.
The most questionable of Quatre’s abilities is something referred to as ‘the heart of outer space.’ This seems to refer to a kind of empathic or psychic abilities that go unexplained throughout the series. Looking at other Gundam series, however, it is reasonable to assume that he is a Newtype, a person with special abilities because he was born in space. Quatre is able to tell that the other pilots are good people immediately after meeting them despite having fought with two of them and describing them as ‘violent and dangerous.’ He is also able to snap a friend out of a killing frenzy using this power and see who the unconscious boy is thinking of. It is perhaps because of this ability that he is able to assess combatants and devise effective strategies so easily. Regardless, it is clear that throughout the series Quatre himself doesn’t understand much about his own abilities.
As for weapons, Quatre currently has a sturdy wooden staff on hand, but is otherwise unarmed.
History: Quatre was born in After Colony 180, the youngest of 29 Winner children. He is the only male among them, as well as the only one who was not a test tube baby. His mother died while giving birth to him, her only natural child. Quatre never learned that he was natural or how his mother died, and the first of those became a source of much unhappiness in his preadolescence. He felt that he had been created solely for the purpose of passing on the Winner name and that he was easily replaceable if anything should happen.
This is why he allowed himself to be taken hostage in AC193 by a group called the Maguanac who were wanted by the Alliance for saving indentured workers. When his father and the Maguanac leader Rashid negotiated, Mr. Winner asked Quatre what he was doing there. He unashamedly declared that he was doing it in defiance of his father’s wishes, declaring he wanted to prove that, “even people like us [artificial children] can think for ourselves and do things ourselves and talk for ourselves!” Rashid slapped him, telling him to have more pride in himself and telling him that he and the other 38 Maguanacs were all test tube babies as well.
The negotiations proceeded smoothly, and Mr. Winner even agreed to help conceal the Maguanac’s retreat from the Alliance, but they soon noticed that they were being followed. Quatre happened upon one of their members speaking to the Alliance through a communicator and somehow managed to tie him up. When he brought him to Rashid, Yuda (whose codename was, subtly enough, Iscariot) broke free and pulled out a gun. Quatre tried to push Rashid to safety, but the man was shot in the chest and he was shot in the arm before the others could restrain Yuda. That left the Maguanac without a leader to fight the pursuing Alliance troops.
Quatre declares that he wants to help them fight to make up for his mistake in restraining Yuda. He already knows how to pilot a mobile suit, so they give him Rashid’s goggles and in a moment of what can only be described as insanity, allow him to lead the troops. He proves to be exceptional even despite his wounded arm. Quatre orders the others to escape as he holds off the remaining twenty troops, and they reluctantly do so under his command. Quatre tells them that they will meet again, but that he wants to join them on Earth to find himself, not to run away. Instructor H, one of the indentured workers and the man who would go on to build the Gundam Sandrock, remained with him to teach and train him. He saw Quatre’s potential during that battle.
Quatre didn’t meet the Maguanac again until two years later during Operation Meteor, a plan devised by the colonists in outer space to take revenge on an organization within the Alliance called OZ. Five unbeatable mobile suits (mechas) called Gundams were sent to Earth with five highly trained pilots within them. They each acted independently, not even aware of the others’ existence for some time as they destroyed military facilities and training camps. Quatre, the pilot of Gundam 04, was sent to fight in the Middle East, where his family lived before they left for the earliest colonies. The loyal Maguanac force waited for him there, and they do their best to care for and help them in his mission.
Although he was disinherited, Quatre had his family’s connections and considerable wealth to his name. He was the first Gundam pilot to realize that there were others fighting for the same cause, and is the first to communicate openly with another after Trowa and he practically simultaneously surrender to one another, Trowa because he was out of ammunition and Quatre because he feels that they shouldn’t be fighting one another. He takes Trowa back to his base where their Gundams are repaired, and the two connect on some level. It is only as Trowa leaves for his next mission that he shares his name.
Things go south when the five Gundam pilots are tricked by the battle-loving head of OZ, Treize Khushrenada. They attack a facility and end up killing everyone in the Alliance who was pushing for peace instead of the leaders of OZ. Simultaneously, OZ forces take over Alliance bases all over the world, leaving Treize and the Romefeller Organization (who he works for) in control of the world.
The pilots attempt to resume their missions despite their mistake, but OZ has laid a trap for them. Four of them fall into it: they attack a facility, but are informed that OZ has missiles trained on a colony in outer space. If they do not surrender immediately, that colony will be destroyed. They can’t attack, but they do not comply with the demand that the Gundams be given to OZ. Heero self-detonates his Gundam, choosing almost certain death over surrender. The others escape, Quatre and Duo fleeing to Quatre’s home base. They are soon found by OZ, who destroys the entire city it’s situated in. The citizens and Maguanac troops distract the troops as the pair narrowly escape.
It is some time before they resurface, Quatre having realized what the best course of action was. OZ is sending diplomats to convince the colonies, which have been independent since the fall of the Alliance, to join them. As they can no longer fight on Earth, the colonies are the best place for the Gundams. Duo and Quatre head for a spaceport and are nearly defeated, but they need to make sure that all of the Gundam pilots know what they are doing and will head for space. They are joined by another pilot, the other two being busy elsewhere at the moment. It is necessary for Quatre to self-detonate his Gundam Sandrock in order to cover the escape of the others, but it opens, allowing him to escape before it explodes. Eventually, all of the pilots make it into space independently, but Quatre has fallen into a coma from which he does not recover for quite some time.
He is eventually found by a doctor in a mining colony, who takes him to his father. The doctor is revealed to be one of his many sisters, Irea. Their home colony is on the verge of joining OZ but their father, a total pacifist and the colony’s leader refuses to comply with OZ’s orders that they begin producing mobile suits. Public opinion has turned against the Winners for using their resources for things other than weapons, and Mr. Winner is ousted from office. Rather than let OZ use his home to manufacture weapons, he separates it from the satellite it was mining. The colony leaders vote to have him killed for it, and he is killed right in front of Quatre and Irea, who have left the colony in a shuttle to try to bring him back. The resulting explosion sends the shuttle spinning and Quatre goes flying to the wall, almost hitting it hard. He was saved by his sister diving in front of him and taking the blow. She died soon afterward, leaving Quatre betrayed by the people he has been fighting for with his father and sister both dead. He began gasping laughter and declared that he would make sure that this day would be remembered by everyone.
Quatre went to the laboratory in which Sandrock, his mobile suit, was constructed and set to work to construct Wing Zero, a mobile suit that Instructor H had a blueprint for but never built. Wing Zero is immensely powerful, greater than even the Gundams. The problem with it is that it has a system that influences its pilot’s brain, letting them become unstoppable in battle, but also taking a terrible toll on their minds. The Zero System tells a person who their enemies are, taking only a tiny amount of input from its pilot. When used by a hysterical, repressed teenager, this could only lead to disaster.
Quatre wasn’t seen again until a resource satellite was destroyed without warning. He sent a message to OZ, telling them to evacuate a civilian colony because it was his next target. The colony was destroyed before OZ troops could make it there to defend it. Quatre was already moving on to another colony where he was met by Trowa and Heero (who infiltrated and was now working for OZ and who survived the explosion and was a captive of OZ respectively) in two newly created Gundams built for OZ. Trowa rushed ahead to greet him, but Quatre told him to stay away. When he didn’t, he shot and severely damaged Trowa’s mobile suit. Quatre told him to tell the other pilots to stay away or he will kill them- Wing Zero has told him that because his enemy is OZ, the colonies are his enemies as well because they are working with OZ, as is anyone who defends the colonies. Quatre aimed to destroy all weapons in outer space. Heero attacked him to defend the colony, and was similarly defeated. All that saved him from death was Trowa moving his already ruined Gundam in front of Wing Zero’s powerful laser. The suit exploded, and Quatre realized exactly what had done. Heero attacked while he was distracted, but Wing Zero was too powerful to destroy despite Quatre’s pleas that he finish it and go save Trowa. The two of them were captured by OZ, who were intrigued by the Zero System. They saw it has the power to greatly enhance a pilot’s abilities, but not how dangerous it really was. The only people who had a hope of displaying its true potential were the pilots, so they connected it to Heero. Under its influence, he somehow activated the Gundam and began to attack the fortress from within. Quatre got into the remaining OZ Gundam to stop him, saying that peace can’t be achieved by a single soldier on a rampage. He couldn’t beat Wing Zero, but he was able to reach Heero using his unusual empathy. Heero stopped his attack and collapsed out of the suit, seeing a person he met on Earth as he passes out: Relena Peacecraft. Quatre went to him then, and was able to see what he wanted. They would go to Earth.
The pair found their way to the pacifist Sanc Kingdom, lead by Relena. They spent some time there searching for any sign that Trowa had lived, but Quatre got word from the Maguanac troops that they had rebuilt Sandrock. He left for the Middle East to get it and rendezvous with them. He was able to return with his troops just in time to help the few people who were willing to go against Relena’s wishes and defend the Sanc Kingdom.
Sample RP post:
The moon looked so beautiful from Earth. Quatre didn’t think he would ever stop marvelling at the beauty this world had everywhere; it was so organic, so fantastic... did they see it, the people who had always lived here? Back home, nothing felt this natural. It was all calculated, controlled by precise machines and bureaucrats to be efficient, effective, and convenient. He opened the tall French window and leaned out, enjoying the cool—well, if he were to be entirely honest, freezing—desert air and losing himself in thought for several moments until some movement on the ground below caught his eye. It must have been time for the guard to change.
A red-capped man walked across the street, his large gun carried casually. Quatre watched him go, smiling thankfully down at the Maguanac soldier even though it was too dark to see which one it was. He truly owed them so much. They didn’t need to be risking their lives for his missions like that, but they refused to be left behind, reminding him that Maguanac meant ‘family.’ It was because of them that he could enjoy the moon like this, that he didn’t have to hide away somewhere on his own.
Quatre vanished from the window, reappearing a moment later with a violin in hand. It was old but well cared for, what many would call a priceless antique. Quatre would have agreed, but not because of its value at auction. This instrument produced the most beautiful tones he had ever heard, and he could feel the love that its many owners had given it. He began to play softly into the night, his eyes closing as he lost himself in the song, composing it as it went. It started out tiny and slow, but the piece escalated until it the moonlight reflected on the bow danced in his hands. He hardly had to think at this point, the song flowing from him naturally as though it were one he had always known.
The song stopped mid-phrase and he opened his eyes, lowering the bow. The Maguanac who had been replaced was returning to the base, stretching as he walked. “Thank you,” the boy whispered into the night, speaking not just to his brother down below but to the moon above and the vast stretches of sand all around.
“Master Quatre, you should get some sleep,” said a gruff voice behind him. He turned, surprised by the newcomer.
“Rashid, did I wake you? I’m sorry,” he replied, lowering the instrument regretfully. He shouldn’t have been so careless.
“Of course not, but if you don’t rest now you won’t be ready for the mission tomorrow,” the big man replied. “You need to be at your best.”
Quatre nodded, putting his violin back in its case. As always, someone was looking out for him. He had to do his best not to let anyone down. He would finish his dedication piece when he had seen more, when he could say that he truly understood the beauty of Earth and of Outer Space. He would have lots of time when they were at peace. Until then, he had an important job to do.
Aaaand just some general notes from as the series progresses. These aren't done and don't include Endless Waltz and a lot of things that I know I won't forget, but uh here it is.
Quatre Rabereba Winner
PERSONAL
Mother’s name: Catherine. He doesn’t know that she died for his birth, or that he is a naturally born human.
Quatre has 29 sisters, each one of them a test-tube baby.
Approx. 5’3” and 41 kg.
Blood type: O
[From Jordan?]
Born in the L4 Colony.
He is 15 when the series begins.
He talks about (and to) Sandrock like it’s a person.
His sister Irea stood up for him before their father.
The Winner family is accused of wasting resources because they do not support the war effort.
Quatre becomes the head of the family (and the Winner Corporation) after his father’s death despite being previously disinherited.
He is spoiled even in 195. He has a personal butler to bring him tea on Earth.
He is willing to risk death to send a message to the other pilots that they must return to space.
After his father and Irea die, Quatre vows to make everyone remember that day.
AC193
Quatre’s a brat with an inferiority complex. Maganac troops seize four Winner family vessels and take them to the resource satellite MO-III. He has no real regard for his own life and assets because he believes he is replaceable.
Rasid is the leader of the Maganac. It means ‘family,’ and is made up of entirely test-tube babies like Quatre. He took a bullet for Rasid in the arm when they were betrayed by Yuda.
AC195
Operation Meteor
Quatre’s message to his father when he leaves: “War brings sorrow... but we must fight to protect our loved ones from that sorrow.”
LTA-8045 is the location he landed in.
Instructor H was his tutor while using the Winner resources to build Sandrock after they met during the Maganac incident in 193.
MAGANAC
Some member names are Rashid Kurama, _____ Auda, Abdul ____, and Ahmed ____.
There are 39 Maganac members, plus Quatre.
Quatre lies to the Maganac troops to keep them out of danger. He doesn’t even ask for advice from Rashid.
POLITICS
United Earth Sphere Alliance controls earth and colonies. Zechs and Khushrenada are members of Oz, under this Alliance. Sally Po is an Alliance military doctor, Noin teaches recruits at the Lake Victoria base before leaving with Zechs.
Specials are secretly OZ agents in the Alliance Army, but they have autonomy.
In the disaster in which the Alliance officials are slain (at New Edwards Base), OZ uses the Specials to take control of bases worldwide.
After the Alliance is disbanded, the space forces remained in the colonies to be hunted down by OZ. They fall easily to OZ’s new Taurus Mobile Dolls. Lady Une plays her role during this time.
Treize gives up his position as the leader of OZ as Mobile Dolls become more popular. On the same day as he is put under house arrest, Lady Une is shot by Tubarov, the engineer of the Mobile Dolls.
Romefeller steps out of the shadows. Everyone knows that they are the real leaders of earth.
The Sanc Kingdom is destroyed when Relena agrees to represent Romefeller for Duke Dermail. The World Nation is formed instead using her public appeal as a base. At around this time, White Fang surfaces. They are rebels from the colonies.
White Fang takes Libra and destroys Barge, and Zechs declares his intention to attack the Earth. The decimated OZ forces take colony C421, where Catherine lives, as a hostage. That day, Zechs fires Libra’s main cannon at the Earth.
SANDROCK
Model XXXG-01SR
16.5m tall
7.5 Tons
Two vulcan cannons, Two missiles, Two heat shorters, Two shield flashers, One cross crusher
Missiles fire from above the shoulder, cannons on ‘ears’,
OTHER
No non-artificial birth in space until A.C. 100 because it lead to deformities. The Winner family still suffers from these abnormalities because they have been in space since the beginning.
The Soul of Outer Space aka Quatre is Crazy – Empathic abilities? A Newtype? He can tell that the other pilots are all ‘nice guys’ even though they’re violent and dangerous. He picks up on the thoughts of people thinking of Heero and clutches his chest when Heero self-detonates. He’s in physical pain.
He snaps Heero out of it when he is possessed by Zero, then is able to tell that he wants to see Relena even though Quatre’s never met her.
After he self-destructs Sandrock, Quatre goes into a kind of coma.
FFFF what they scroll the Adobe Photoshop tutorial in the background as miscellaneous English. what. B| y so low budget, GW?
WING ZERO
Quatre first destroys a Resource Satellite at 07U1 without warning.
He moves on to civilian colony at 06E3 and gives warning before attacking.
When he fights Heero, he tells him to warn the Gundam pilots away from him.
He explains what he’s doing by saying, “Outer space has gone mad so I’ll destroy it all!” His goal is to destroy all of the weapons in space, but as the colonies are arming themselves they too are the enemy.
Unlike Zechs, Quatre feels free to use his guns even during a sword duel.
WELL, WHAT DO YOU THINK?
also I move in about three days, woo!
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Look it's an rp journal!
Damn you sound like you've got a good grasp of Q. To the point that I'd love to bounce my not so well fleshed out GW characters off him so they get better. -dabbles with Duo and sometimes Heero or Wufei-oh hello there, Rinoa! :3
asdhw thank you! I've never played him before, so I'm pretty unsure of myself. ...Y'know, if you're up for it we could do a thread in a dressing room or something? I definitely need the practise!Code fail? What code fail?
o problem. You did a really good the insecurity never showed through.... I typically avoid dressing rooms but I might reconsider it for you.I saw nothing
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Some minor criticisms:
-->He is pale with light blonde hair and blue eyes despite being of Middle Eastern descent.
Regarding this, do mention that he is a genetically designed test tube baby - otherwise it comes across as very, very strange.
--> One of the things that make him different from his comrades is that he sacrifices everything he has – his money, his status, and his pacifist ideals
You neglect to mention that his other colleagues do not have money, status, or pacifist ideals. It’s hardly a remarkable characteristic that he does these things in the situation that no one else is capable.
--> He is kind, has high moral standards, loves animals, The
Grammatically incorrect.
--> One of the things that make him different
--> The thing that sets Quatre apart
These are essentially the same sentences. Unless this is a strictly required aspect of the application, try to use a different method in conveying your ideas. Clear language in conveying simple ideas is the mark of a good writer, so if this application form is reliant upon your writing skills, make sure to convey them as best you can.
--> Behind this kind exterior is another side of Quatre, one that he pretends does not exist and has not shown the world in two years:
The wording here is a tad confusing. With the language you use, it appears that Quatre’s ‘other side’ has not shown itself to the world in years. What you mean to convey is that Quatre has not shown his ‘other side’ in years. Correct this so that Quatre rather than his personality is the active participant. Additionally, it would be wiser to end the sentence with a simple period. It is already a long sentence with many different ideas to convey, and there is no reason to clutter your writing. Remember: simple, clean sentences are best to convey ideas.
--> he is a bit of a spoiled brat, raised and groomed to be the heir to the colossal Winner fortune and babied by his twenty-nine older sisters.
You need a semi-colon after spoiled brat in order to make this sentence grammatically correct. Also, you cannot guarantee that your audience can grasp the concept of a “Winner fortune,” as they are not familiar with Gundam Wing. I suggest “quotation marks” in order to make clear that this is a colloquialism. And again, I suggest you frame this as a sentence of it’s own. Lastly, “raised and groomed to be the heir to” implies that if Quatre wasn’t “raised and groomed” he would not be heir. A smarter language choice would be “raised and groomed as,” which implies that the Winner fortune is the reason he was raised and groomed, rather than he being raised and groomed resulting in the Winner fortune.
--> He would never hold his family’s wealth above others, but it is revealed in a number of ways from his sheltered idealism to odd behaviour.
Gotta say, I don’t know at all what this sentence refers to. Perhaps you can try to clarify why these two sentence particles are connected. You do list an example afterwards (which I totally approve of - I was just going to suggest that you offer examples to argue your case), but again I think you need to offer stronger connecting points between your sentences.
--> Quatre has a third side
I would not refer to Quatre as having a “third side”; this implies that there is a finite number of aspects to Quatre. Do you really want to go down that route? (Forgive the nitpicking, please!!)
--> one that has only once surfaced once
Pretty obvious typo there. I’m sure you’ll catch it. Also, I wouldn’t go down the “only once” route. We don’t know that it only surfaced once. Gundam Wing does not offer us omniscience. So technically we don’t know that.
-- > Quatre is supposedly the most normal of the protagonists in the series, but in truth he represses the worst of his anger and fear.
That’s a bit sketchy. You’d have to argue your point on this once.
Overall, with Quatre’s personality I recommend that you avoid closing off doors and opportunities. Don’t use finite, inflexible language. Be convincing. Rely on strictly canon information and try not to mix it up with fanon. Leave it simple and uncomplicated, but make sure it's easy to offer proof.
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This is totally spot on. Awesome characterization.
--> Quatre is tremendously devoted to keeping his home in the colonies safe regardless of what they want.
This is a confusing sentence. It conveys too much information in an awkward order. It sounds as though he is devoted to keeping his home in the colonies, and that ‘safe’ was just accidentally tacked on afterwards. Also, safe regardless of what who wants? Maybe try: “Quatre is devoted to keeping his home, space colony L4, safe, regardless of the colony‘s desires.”
--> self-destruct himself in his Gundam in order to give his fellow pilots enough cover to escape.
This sentence tries to convey too much information for a semi-colon. Cut it off right after “Gundam”. The rest is unnecessary.
--> He lies to his friends to keep them out of battle; he takes a bullet for a man who has impressed him when he is only thirteen.
Don’t need a semi-colon here. Just slot an “and” in it’s place. Alternatively, you could end the prior sentence with a colon and keep things otherwise the same.
When did I become a grammar Nazi?
--> He understands that there are times when he should not push himself, however.
This sentence is wrong. However cannot be used as the last word in a sentence. You can say: “However, he understands…” or “He does, however, understand…”.
--> He won’t risk himself if there is someone willing to do the job who has a better chance of success.
Cut “willing to do the job”. It is irrelevant in conveying the meaning of the sentence, as the entire context already implies and relies upon the assumption.
--> attempts to self-destruct to protect the colonies and his fellow pilots at one point.
I believe you already mentioned this? Could be wrong, though. Anyways, the extra detail is unnecessary in describing Quatre’s fears, and interrupts the connection between each sentence.
--> That is not to say that he doesn’t fear it, but it doesn’t have the same terror for him that it would for an ordinary person
You use “it” in place of death three times. Try to slip “death” in there somewhere in order to clarify. Also, I’d go with “average person” rather than “ordinary person”. If an ordinary person was placed in Quatre’s situation, can you guarantee that they wouldn’t be numb to death as well?
--> things like helplessness,
Try “such as helplessness…” instead.
--> This means that while he may be well prepared to do the house’s taxes, he doesn’t have the experience to deal with some of its other challenges.
This implies that Quatre is incapable of dealing with the house’s other challenges. I’m pretty sure that’s not what you meant, other than, like, plumbing emergencies or something. Which I’m not sure the other Gundam pilots could deal with either, but would be really funny to contemplate. Would you be willing to write something along those lines?
--> In their absence, he may sink back into that mode of thought, although never as deeply as he once was.
As he once “did” to replace “was”. For purposes of tense.
--> His greatest weakness
Replace “his” with “Quatre’s”. You’ve gone a while without using his name, so it is vague.
--> at the very least first
Woah!! Waaaay too much description there. Just go with “first”. It works just as well.
--> Strengths/Abilities: Quatre is well educated, charismatic, and innocent.
Innocent? Is he really? This is strongly debatable. Offer evidence if you can. Otherwise he is a Gundam pilot who has killed many, many people.
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Jen, you are the best sister ever. Thank you!
I'm making you edit all of my papers from now onI owe you big time! *goes to fix mistakes, oh so many mistakes*Just one thing, though: Quatre isn't actually a test tube baby. He thinks he is, but he's actually one hundred percent natural born human. His father just never got around to telling him that Mrs. Winner died giving birth to him. FATHER OF THE YEAR, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN!
...GW is, in fact, very, very strange.
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And I totally don't mind editing anything you need. Somehow, it is strangely addictive.
Also, I did the last sections a bit more sloppily. But there are some general things you need to work on.
You do use unnecessary adjectives quite often. I do the exact same thing. So a good idea is to go through your paper and get rid of every "very" "a lot" "extremely" or "intensely".
As well, sometimes in the "History" section, you change tense. I don't think I got every one of those, so you might want to read that over a second time.
One other thing you have some trouble with is using "he/him" and "they/their" to describe actions to the point where it becomes unclear exactly who you are referring to.
I also recommend you offer some examples as evidence of Quatre's personality traits. Examples always help to clarify your reasoning - it's why we need to use references and citations during academic papers.
Otherwise, this sounds really interesting. Good luck with everything. And let me know if you want me to do anything further, because I am taking a break.
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jen you are the awesomest thank you thank youuuu
aaaaa you even included general writing critique no one ever takes the time to critique my writing I owe you so much for this. |D
How are you so good at this? I mean, I read that over and didn't catch ... well, any of that obviously. :o Wow. Seriously, best. ever. 8D
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The rest of it? I don't know. I don't know any of the terminology for grammar stuff, but it just makes sense on some innate level. Probably because I read too much.
But I do get 90%s in English with only one quick edit when I'm printing the paper out, so it has some benefits!!
P.S. My weakness is the Works Cited page. Which is lame.
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You don’t need to specify “expected”. Also, either his education matched the ordinary aristocratic fare, or it is “somewhat more unusual.” It can’t be both.
--> excelling in each of these,
Try “in his studies” instead. It’s less clunky and more specific.
--> He is a gifted musician as well, very skilled with both the piano and the violin.
The “very” is an unnecessary description. Either he’s skilled or he’s not. Very is an incredibly inadequate measure compared to “skilled”. I was going to save this for the end, but you have a tendency to use unnecessary adjectives. It makes the writing far more clunky. I suggest you go through this entire thing and remove every unnecessary description possible. You may notice that I also have this problem. This is because I exaggerate everything all the time forever. So what I’m saying is that I should know.
--> He is also able to snap a friend out of a killing frenzy using this power and see who the unconscious boy is thinking of.
End the sentence after “using this power”. The rest is unnecessary. Also, this paragraph is kickass.
--> After Colony 180,
Maybe use “ the year After Colony 180 (AC 180)” as a phrase to clarify that it is a date. That way, you can use AC___ hereafter as a reference rather than typing the whole thing out.
You alternate between calling Quatre a test tube baby and saying that he is not. Is there a specific reason for this inconsistency? If not, go back and correct other mentions. For example, say that Quatre believes that he is a test tube baby instead of stating that he is one.
--> This is why
Specify what “this” is. Is it the fact that he is(?) a test tube baby, or is it his feelings on the subject, or is it his parent’s neglect in telling him his origins?
--> even despite his
“in spite of”
--> He was the first Gundam pilot to realize that there were others fighting for the same cause, and is
There are some tense problems here. “Was” and “is” are not compatible. Also, this sentence is way, way, way, too long. Break it up!! It is a run-on sentence.
--> He takes Trowa back to his base where their Gundams are repaired, and the two connect on some level. It is only as Trowa leaves for his next mission that he shares his name.
These various “he” and “his” are damn confusing. Not specific enough.
--> They attack a facility
By “they” do you mean OZ/Treize, or the Gundam pilots?
--> resume their missions despite their mistake
“resume their missions despite the mistake”
--> If they do not surrender
By “they” do you mean OZ/Treize, or the Gundam pilots?
--> The citizens and Maguanac troops distract the troops
Specify which troops are distracted. Otherwise, it is confusing.
--> before they resurface,
By “they” do you mean OZ/Treize, or the Gundam pilots? Duo, Quatre, or someone else?
--> OZ is sending diplomats to convince the colonies, which have been independent since the fall of the Alliance, to join them
This sentence is confusing. Try “OZ is sending diplomats to convince the colonies to join them”. Otherwise, too much unnecessary information is conveyed. If OZ want’s the colonies to join them, then their independence is already implied.
--> As they can
By “they” do you mean OZ/Treize, or the Gundam pilots?
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--> They are joined by another pilot, the other two being busy elsewhere at the moment.
Try “they are joined by only one other pilot…”. Otherwise the sentence makes no sense.
--> takes him to his father.
The doctor’s father or Quatre’s? Although I suppose in this context it does not matter.
--> and the colony’s leader refuses
“and the colony’s leader, refuses”
--> The colony was destroyed before OZ troops could make it there to defend it.
“before OZ troops were able to defend it.”
--> met by Trowa and Heero (who infiltrated and was now working for OZ and who survived the explosion and was a captive of OZ respectively)
Aaahh!! Makes no sense!! Cut, cut, cut the brackets!!
--> in two newly created Gundams built for OZ
This sounds as though Quatre was in two Gundams, rather than Trowa and Heero. Change around the sentence structure.
--> When he didn’t, he shot
This is not specific enough. Try: “When he didn’t, Quatre shot…”.
--> but Wing Zero was too powerful to destroy
“Wing Zero was too powerful to be destroyed”
--> any sign that Trowa had lived,
You mean “any sign that Trowa was alive.” They already know that he had lived.
Aaaand that's all I've got for now. Let me know if you want more. Editing documents is like candy to me.
- Jen
P.S. Sorry for the INTENSE DETAIL. I get carried away at times.
Lastly, because I have no life:
You don’t need to include “everywhere”. “This world” is already generalized the location, so “everywhere is extraneous.
--> everywhere; it was so organic, so fantastic... did they see it
Improper use of a semicolon. You would be better served by a dash. As in “everywhere - it was so organic, so fantastic.” Alternatively, you could start a new sentence with “It was so…”. In addition, since you are asking a new question, I would recommend capitalizing “did” and framing it as a sentence of it’s own. Otherwise you’ll have one long line of thought.
--> It was all calculated, controlled by precise machines and bureaucrats to be efficient, effective, and convenient.
You don’t specify what “it” is exactly. In the context of the prior sentence, it seems as though “natural” is your topic, and therefore that the natural world is calculated, etc. Try “Instead, it was…”. This instructs the reader to look back to the opposition of natural - that is to say, “back home”. As well, “bureaucrats to be efficient” implies that you want the bureaucrats to act with efficiency, rather than wanting “back home” to be efficient”. Try placing your adjectives before what you want them to act upon. For example, “controlled to be efficient, effective and convenient by precise machines and bureaucrats”.
--> well, if he were to be entirely honest, freezing
I hate to be picky, but a few things here. This is pretty long for an offhand comment, so it distracts a bit from the main sentence. You could try to cut it down and simply. For example, should you need two commas for an offhand comment? Why is “entirely honest” better than the more simple “honest”? Maybe try “or if he were to be honest, freezing”.
--> desert air and losing himself in thought for several moments until some movement on the ground below caught his eye. It must have been time for the guard to change
This is the continuation of a very long sentence. Find some place to pause, and perhaps break it down further. (Perhaps after ’several’?) Also, what is the difference between “several moments” and one long moment? A moment is a small, contained period of time. Is he having many of these, one after another, or one singular?
--> too dark to see which one it was.
‘Which one it was” implies something rather impersonal, and doesn’t imply humanity. Would you refer to a person who you were thankful for as ‘which one’ or ‘it’? Would Quatre? Try ‘too dark to identify’ or ‘to recognize’ or something of that sort.
--> missions like that, but
You don’t need to include ‘like that’. You already described the specific action, so you don’t need to point it out a second time.
--> Them… They… their… they…
This is okay once or twice, but remember to specify identity every once in a while. Otherwise, it gets confusing. Also ‘they’ implies ‘the other’ or ‘someone else’ and prevents connection with the character. Just imagine referring to your close friend as ‘that guy over there’ instead of by name. Also, there’s a lot of commas here. Is there a better way to break the sentence down?
--> the moon like this, that
Throw a semicolon in here rather than comma. Because they’re cool.
--> composing it as it went. It…
Pretty vague and confusing. Maybe “composing it as he went“? You use ‘it’ too often in this small section. Otherwise I love your characterization in this paragraph. Spot on!!
--> escalated until it the moonlight
Typo.
--> the moonlight reflected on the bow danced in his hands.
Do you mean the moonlight danced in his hands, or that the bow danced in his hands?
--> said a gruff voice behind him. He turned,
Did Quatre turn, or did the owner of the gruff voice turn? Always be as clear as possible about the identity behind an action, unless there is something to be gained by confusion.
--> Rashid, did I wake you? I’m sorry
This doesn’t necessarily sound like a natural way of speaking. Why did you choose a comma rather than a period or exclamation mark?
--> the big man
Re: Lastly, because I have no life:
No!! Bad Eibborn!! Show, don’t tell. You are writing this primarily from Quatre’s perspective. Would he, in his head, call Rashid ’the big man’? Do you think of your friends as ’the blonde girl’ or ’the hunchbacked fellow’? Nope. There are better ways to convey the message that Rashid is tall. Have him reach for sometime high up. Have his voice come from above Quatre’s shoulder. You can even, god forbid, have Quatre remark that Rashid looks ‘as tall as ever’ or something. Show, don’t tell.
--> lots of time
Is ‘lots of’ really necessary description? How much is 'lots of time' compared to 'time'?
I think this piece works well as an introduction to Quatre. It describes his (very girly) empathy quite well - the right blend of crazy and sensitive. Good touch with the violin - that was clever. This sample is circular, and as a character study it is very insightful. However, there isn’t a lot of action involved. Make sure you don’t get stuck in a circle of reflection. There is more to a character than the abstract. What are Quatre’s goals and motivations? How will he use them? And how will he interact with different people? This is often a problem I have with my writing, so this is why I mention it. Of course, an RPG probably works differently.
Also, in the last section, you vary on the spelling of Maguanac several times.
Re: Lastly, because I have no life:
asdgha seriously, more than anything else I appreciate the criticisms on my writing in general, because I can use that to improve for myself. UNTIL THEN I'M GOING TO PITIFULLY BEG YOU TO REVIEW EVERY APPLICATION I DO. I HOPE YOU DON'T MIND.
Re: Lastly, because I have no life:
Also, I was reading over my comments the last post and finding A LOT of typos. Damn my half-asleep brain!!
Isn't Tagalog the best name for a language ever?
General writing tips:
- keep track of how often you use 'he', 'her', or 'their'. If you use it more than twice in a row, take a look back at the sentence and see if it makes sense.
- remember that words like 'very', 'a lot', 'incredibly', and 'unusually' are measurements. When including these adjectives in a sentence, check to make sure the are logical measurements of a quality. Do you need them as qualifiers? What is the difference between a 'quite unusually long time', 'an unusually long time', and 'a long time'? Cut them out as ruthlessly as possible.
- remember that a person's speaking voice and a general narrative voice are going to be written differently. People speak with slang, with different pauses and breaks, with significant bias/untruthfulness, and with greater exaggeration than a narration will provide. Consider this difference.
- show, don't tell. Otherwise your writing will appear sloppy and inconvenient. Remember to stay within your character's thoughts and perspective. Make sure there is a reason for them to think/say certain things other than catering to the audience.
- convey only the necessary facts. Each sentence/paragraph/work of writing should have a specific reason for existing. Try to minimize the information conveyed to the bare necessities. This helps to create a better narrative flow, and to better guide the reader through the story. Over-informing the readers distracts from the plot/purpose and character.